One Flew Over the Marten's Nest
by Courier999
Summary: Violet is in an insane asylum, and her psychiatrist has skeletons in his closet. Rated T for smoking, violence, and some scary content. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS: One Flew Over the Marten's Nest

_A Series of Unfortunate Events_ and all characters are property of HarperCollins. I own all 13 books, but none of the rights. I do own the characters of Moira Tucker and Harlan White. Also, I do not own The Ink Spots, their recordings are property of Universal Music Group.

_Violet Baudelaire had allegedly gone insane. There was one man who could even try to cure her._

OCTOBER 7.

OUR LADY OF PEACE MENTAL INSTITUTE

Doctor Harlan White took a long inhalation of his cigarette. Yes, he knew that smoking would kill him. But then again, he was smoking a replica, a word which here means "a version that involved no burning, and was electronic". As for the uncannily convincing cloud of smoke he exhaled- it was CO2. Doctor White reached for Patient File 101- V. Baudelaire.

SEPTEMBER 2.

Violet Baudelaire had been proven insane after she torched a department store display with a homemade flamethrower. Luckily, the judge and jury had deemed her curable- so she had been sentenced to Our Lady of Peace Mental Institute until deemed sane. After all, Harlan White was one of the best psychiatrists in the business- and he had founded the asylum that the patient was being sent to.

OCTOBER 7.

The Ink Spots' "If I Didn't Care" echoed through Doctor White's office. In the good doctor's desk, a fully loaded Luger was in the first drawer to his right. At that moment, Doctor White's telephone rang.

"Hello." Doctor White said. His Dixie accent rolled smoothly.

"Doctor White, there's someone here to see you- one Moira Tucker." The person at the other end announced.

"Never heard of her, Nurse." Doctor White replied.

"She's the new intern." The nurse answered back.

Doctor White told the nurse to send Miss Tucker to his office, and he hung up. A good 90 minutes later, Moira Tucker skipped into Doctor White's office. "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" was now playing on the record machine.

"Miss Tucker, I presume?" Doctor White asked.

"That's me!" Moira responded.

Doctor White subconsciously rolled his eyes. He may have liked enthusiasm as much as the next one, but this…this was taking it too far.

"Anyways, I like working with people who've lost their minds. I think I can help the patients find them!" Moira continued.

Doctor White tried not to groan at this. Enthusiasm was one thing- this was down and out cheeriness. Just then, an idea came to his brain.

"Miss Tucker, would you kindly go down to Electroshock Therapy?" Doctor White asked.

Moira Tucker skipped on out, saying something about Jack Nicholson. When she was a safe distance away, Doctor Harlan White let loose a groan.

"THE SHOCK SHOP." This sign was the third ugliest the author has ever seen. The sign above the room known as the "Electroshock Therapy Ward" and displaying the nickname that the patients had given it was made out of rusted corrugated metal, with the words having been done in neon green paint.

Moira Tucker arrived at Electroshock Therapy some time later. In her extremely eccentric mind, she started to think of something that would brighten up the patients.

OCTOBER 8.

Doctor Harlan White looked at the calendar. It was a Tuesday, and he had scheduled an appointment with his newest patient- Violet Baudelaire.

"Good morning, Doctor White!" A familiar voice announced.

Doctor White looked up- Moira Tucker had brought the patient into his office. A few minutes later, the first session began.

"Miss Baudelaire, have you experienced any trauma in your life?" Doctor White asked.


	2. Chapter 2

OCTOBER 8.

"Miss Baudelaire, have you experienced any trauma in your life?" Doctor Harlan White asked.

"Yes." Violet Baudelaire said meekly, her face buried in the cushions of the office's couch.

"If it isn't too painful, would you kindly tell me about what has happened to you?" Doctor White asked.

Violet broke out into sobs. Then, Doctor White heard more crying. It was none other than Moira Tucker, who had the audacity to stick around during the session.

_Note to self,_ Doctor White thought. _Quit your job, go to Bermuda, and stay there._

A full half-hour later, Violet Baudelaire was sent back to B Wing, Moira was off to give a patient some medication, and Doctor White was suffering a headache.

"What have we got here?" A distinctly female voice announced.

Violet looked around. She saw no one. Just then, a woman dropped down from the ceiling. Violet screamed as she fell to the floor.

"JADE! Get off the new gal!" Another woman yelled.

Jade walked away, a phrase which here means, "slunk back into the shadows, cursing in the name of Jules Verne and Jack Nicholson". Violet looked up at her rescuer.

"Sorry 'bout that. Jade's an out-and-out psycho who just so happens to be good at hiding." The second woman announced.

"What's your name?" Violet asked.

"Name's Reilly." The woman answered.

"Into Each Life, Some Rain Must Fall" was playing in Doctor White's office. The good doctor was having his usual lunch- some fried chicken and a pear. A spry knock on the door got his attention. _Not again!_ he thought. He opened the door, and Doctor White got the wind knocked out of him.

"Miss…Tucker…I…can't…breathe…" Doctor White sputtered.

Moira released the good doctor from her boa-like embrace.

"I learned that loving, affectionate touches always cheer people up." Moira chirped.

Doctor White audibly groaned.

OCTOBER 9.

Doctor Harlan White had scheduled Patient 43, Amelia Reilly, for a session in his office. He remembered the last time he had dared venture into B Wing. That ever-cheery Moira Tucker was going to bring in the patient.

That afternoon, Doctor White began the session.

"Miss Reilly, how has it been since you were admitted to Our Lady of Peace three years ago?" Doctor White asked.

"I'm not crazy, Doc." Reilly answered.

"You do remember that the judge had deemed you to be a psychotic?" Doctor White inquired.

"Look, Doc. I may have killed a man, but I'm not proud of it. I was scared out of my mind when I unloaded that shotgun in his gut." Reilly answered.

"Nevertheless, the judge and jury said you were insane." Doctor White replied.

"If you're looking for crazy, Doc, you can have a session with Jade." Reilly almost shouted.

"Miss Reilly, don't make it too hard on yourself. Your release papers could be going through the system in a few weeks." Doctor White calmly answered back.

OCTOBER 10.

Moira Tucker escorted Jade to Electroshock Therapy. The chart for B Wing went as follows:

REILLY: 3 SESSIONS

VICTORIA AND KATIE: 4 SESSIONS (2 EACH, CONJOINED TWINS)

LORRAINE: 2 SESSIONS

VIOLET: 0 SESSIONS

JADE: 110 SESSIONS (AND COUNTING)

KILROY WAS HERE

"I wonder- who's Kilroy?" Moira mused.

When Jade was hooked up to the device, Moira volunteered to run it.

"Let's see here. Oh, what a pretty blue button on this machine!" Moira chirped.

Moira pressed the blue button. At that very moment, Jade went into convulsions and screamed.

"YOU IDIOT!" An orderly exclaimed at Moira.

"Oops! Wrong button!" Moira sing-songed.

The rest of the session went like this: Moira pressed various buttons, and the orderly became incredibly angry.

OCTOBER 11.

Violet Baudelaire was now about to receive her first session of electroshock therapy. And judging from Jade's account, it wasn't going to be good.


	3. Chapter 3

OCTOBER 11.

Once again, Moira Tucker was going to be delivering the shocks. In a few minutes, the session began.

An orderly tied Violet down, while a nurse attached the electrodes to her temples.

Moira had been told to use the switches instead of the buttons. This would prevent a repeat of the previous session. A note on the machine read: "SET TO 400 VOLTS".

When Violet came to, the session was over. Moira was next to her- what was she holding?

"For being such a good patient, you deserve a reward. I know! Does some chewing gum sound good?" Moira warbled.

Elsewhere, Doctor White was having a session with Patient 76, Lorraine Fox, in his office.

"Miss Fox, how has the medication been?" Doctor White asked.

"It's been working, Doctor." Lorraine answered.

"Has it ended your self-destructive urges?" Doctor White inquired.

"Ever since I started taking it, I haven't felt the need to hurt myself." Lorraine replied.

"Good." Doctor White complimented.

OCTOBER 12.

It was a regular game night in B Wing, despite it being 9:00 A.M. Basically, Reilly had managed to bring in a few decks of cards, and Moira Tucker had opted to hang around the wing.

"Okay, Miss Baudelaire. Here's some chewing gum from me." Moira said to Violet.

"Place your bets, ladies." Reilly announced.

OCTOBER 13.

Moira was musing over the day's events. During Jade's electroshock therapy session, she had screamed something- VFD. Then, she had noticed a stylized eye tattooed on Doctor White's ankle. Why had he been so quick to cover it up?

Doctor Harlan White knew that Moira had seen his ankle. The good news was that the bubbly intern didn't know the symbol's meaning. But she would probably tell B Wing about it tomorrow.

OCTOBER 14.

"Did you know that Doctor White has an eye tattoo on his ankle?" Moira asked.

Reilly could barely hold her surprise. Violet took a seat. Lorraine was confused, and Jade was absolutely livid.

"Miss Tucker, I'll ask you a question. You ever heard of VFD?" Reilly spoke up.

"Jade screamed that during her electroshock therapy session." Moira replied.

In his office, Doctor White placed an emergency call.

"The code, please." The person at the other end ordered.

"The world is quiet here, Lemony." Doctor White responded.

"Doctor Harlan White, I presume?" "Lemony" asked.

"Mr. Snicket, you ever heard of Moira Tucker?" Doctor White asked.

"Jack Tucker's daughter?" Lemony Snicket asked back.

"Well, she's an intern at Our Lady of Peace. She saw my ankle tattoo." Doctor White replied.

"She probably doesn't know what it means." Lemony Snicket told his old coworker.

"L-" Doctor White tried to say.

"Harlan, I know you've got Violet B. in there. Rogue faction agents could come looking for her. Don't drop your guard. Keep Moira safe. Keep Violet B. safe. Keep Jade and Reilly safe. Hopefully, we'll meet under better circumstances next time. But remember, this- this is the calm before the storm. A lot of good men died for our side, our cause. Don't be one of them." Lemony Snicket ordered.

The call ended.

In B Wing, Moira was extremely excited about what Reilly had told her.

"Now, where can I apply for membership?" Moira asked.

"You're sort of born into it, Miss Tucker." Reilly answered.

OCTOBER 15.

Doctor White wasn't without his secrets. When he was just starting out, he had treated a young man. Believing that the man's pyromania was a coping mechanism, he had encouraged his setting fires. That man's name was Olaf. The burdens of guilt and regret weighed heavily on the good doctor- but he was afraid that his "creation" would come back to kill him.


	4. Chapter 4

OCTOBER 15.

B Wing's other resident was known as "Jack". Basically, he had been found at the hospital's doorstep. Today, Moira would meet this odd man.

"Who are you?" Jack demanded when Moira walked into his cell.

"I'm Moira Tucker, the best intern at Our Lady of Peace!" She replied.

"I have a session with Doctor White today." Jack announced.

30 minutes later, Moira and "Jack" entered Doctor White's office. Moira was asked to leave, and the session began.

"Great balls of fire! It's Ferdinand Widdershins!" Doctor White exclaimed.

"Harlan, I know you have Violet Baudelaire in B Wing." Ferdinand replied.

"Why is this of any concern to you? After all, you defected." Doctor White answered back.

"We haven't seen eye-to-eye a lot, Harlan. But we share an enemy." Ferdinand said.

Doctor White understood.

Moira Tucker had turned Our Lady of Peace upside down. Even Reilly had to admit that Jade had become somewhat saner, and Doctor White had noticed that Lorraine was in a better humor.

OCTOBER 16.

Reilly whistled a few bars of "Sweet Georgia Brown". It had been 9 days since Violet B. and Moira T. had entered her life. And from the group therapy sessions that Doctor White encouraged, Violet had managed to get her story out. Reilly also had three new allies: Doctor White, Ferdinand "Jack" Widdershins, and Violet Baudelaire. Moira could serve as an ally, but her allegiance wasn't known yet. But the radar had been silent, so why worry right now? Reilly then turned on the water for her shower.

"Maybe you'll think of me…" she crooned.

OCTOBER 17.

Moira entered the building. It was a little nippy outside, but at least it wasn't raining. Besides, it was movie night in B Wing. One thing the cheery intern had learned was that Doctor White was a film buff.

Doctor White had to admit one thing: Moira had made his life and job a lot better. But he was a married man, and intended to stay that way.

After dinner that night, Moira fired up B Wing's DVD player, and the feature began. It was a double feature of _Casablanca_ and _Starman_. By the end of the last film, it was clear that movie night was here to stay.

A few blocks away, a mysterious man in a trench coat was locked in a derelict motel. His single eyebrow gave him a menacing aura.

"Doctor White, you have what I want. Prepare to come face-to-face with COUNT OLAF himself!" The man exclaimed into the mirror.


	5. Chapter 5

OCTOBER 18.

In the Institute gymnasium, a heated badminton game between the inmates of B Wing and the staff was going on. Moira had been appointed referee by unanimous vote. The current score was Patients: 6, Staff: 0. In the end, the score was Patients: 7, Staff: 3. But dark clouds were looming over the horizon.

OCTOBER 19.

Moira Tucker walked out of the foyer of Our Lady of Peace and into the rainy night. She was the last to leave for the night, and she had the sole intention of returning to her apartment, preparing some hot chocolate, and curling up in front of the television. She hailed a taxi.

"Miss, I suppose you haven't heard of the fire in the old warehouse district?" The cabbie asked.

"Who'd set a fire in the rain?" Moira asked, giggling at her question.

"It was last night. The cops and the fire department can't use 'insurance fraud'- the warehouses burned were supposed to be condemned in a few weeks." The cabbie answered.

"Why is it so suspicious?" Moira asked.

"Miss, I was in Vietnam for three years. I know the smell of napalm, white phosphorous." The cabbie replied.

"So you think it was arson?" Moira asked back.

"That'd be my guess." The cabbie answered.

Moira gulped.

A few hours later, Moira opened the door of her apartment. Something was wrong. A ticking noise from her oven cued her in. She opened the oven, and there it was- a time bomb, with phosphorus grenades strapped to it. She shrieked, and ran to the telephone.

"Miss Tucker, are you saying someone placed a firebomb in your oven?" The 911 operator asked.

"Yes." Moira meekly replied.

"An EOD team will be with you shortly." The operator informed her.

OCTOBER 20.

Moira Tucker was known for being able to "bounce back" to normal. Despite the attempt on her life, she had managed to return to work. This left one big question- who would want Moira Tucker dead, and why?

In B Wing, Reilly and Moira were helping the other patients carve jack o'lanterns. Moira had gone first- and carved a smiley face into the front of her pumpkin. Violet was in the back of the main cell, looking out the window. Everything was fine for now.

OCTOBER 21.

It was movie night again. The feature was _Some Like It Hot_. By the time the movie ended, Moira and the inmates had briefly forgotten their troubles and their woes.

OCTOBER 30.

Reilly and the other inmates stared at Moira's costume. The intern had decided to go as a patient for Halloween, and the costume was more than adequate. It consisted of ballet tights and a yellow sweater. Across the city, another story was playing out.

An old hotel had caught fire. But during the inferno, no one saw a man in a hat and coat hail a cab and depart from the scene. The stranger's name- Count Olaf. The hotel had served its purpose, and a phosphorous grenade had made sure that the villain's tracks were covered. His next stop: Our Lady of Peace Mental Institute.


	6. Chapter 6

OCTOBER 31.

To finish off her costume, Moira Tucker had brought her old Red Ryder BB gun. For Violet Baudelaire, the sight of Moira in the sweater and tights with a BB gun brought back bad memories. But the worst was yet to come. By the next morning, everything would change.

After making the rounds with the neighborhood children, Moira returned to Our Lady of Peace for the night. She was still a little scared of that firebomb, and was less than eager to go back to her apartment for the time being. A few blocks away, Count Olaf began to execute his plan.

30 minutes later, Count Olaf walked into the hospital.

"Do you have an appointment?" The receptionist asked.

Olaf raised his .44 magnum and took potshots at the receptionist. While she was cowering under the desk, Olaf shot the silent alarm and entered the hospital proper.

Moira Tucker wasn't quite asleep. Something was wrong. She turned her head and watched as a mysterious stranger walked out of the shadowy gloom. She raised her Red Ryder.

"Who are you?" The stranger asked.

"My name is Moira Tucker, but the orderly in the Shock Shop calls me 'idiot'." Moira answered.

"Where is Doctor Harlan White?" The stranger asked.

"I don't know." Moira answered.

"Tell me, or Violet Baudelaire will be hurt." The stranger snarled.

Moira aimed her Red Ryder at the villain.

"Put down that weapon!" The stranger barked, knocking the BB gun out of Moira's hand and sending it skidding onto the floor.

"What was that for?" Moira sobbed.

"My name is Count Olaf, and I have some…unfinished business with Doctor White." Olaf announced.

Just then, Doctor White entered B Wing.

"Doctor White, I presume?" Olaf rhetorically asked.

"Leave her alone, Olaf." Doctor White ordered.

"Do your worst, you washed-up shrink." Olaf sneered.

Doctor White drew his Luger. It was going to end now.

Olaf drew his .44 magnum. It was going to end now.

"Give my regards to Jacques Snicket, Doctor!" Olaf gloated.

Moira took the opportunity to fight back. While Olaf prepared to shoot Doctor White, he was unaware that Moira was raising her fist. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Olaf took a haymaker punch to his cheek. The gun fell to the floor. Unfortunately, Olaf was made of tougher material than that. The villain tossed Moira across the room. Doctor White took a few shots at his "Patient Zero", hoping to keep Olaf busy until help arrived.

Moira skidded across the floor, landing at the door of Ferdinand Widdershins' cell. Just then, a plan crossed the intern's mind.

Doctor White took several shots at Count Olaf. One barely grazed the villain's shoulder. Both were ankle deep in brass casings. However, Olaf was about to win to the fight. Just as the villainous count was about to give Doctor White the finishing blow, he felt his face hit the floor. He turned around saw the woman who he had disarmed and threatened.

"No one hurts Doctor White when I'm around!" Moira proclaimed.

Olaf stood up, aiming his gun at Moira. Just then, Olaf was charged by an angry man with both hands replaced by hooks.

"Traitor!" Olaf yelled at Ferdinand Widdershins, his former lieutenant.

"If you shoot her, I will literally rip you a new one!" Ferdinand replied.

Olaf grabbed a phosphorus grenade.

"If you lay a hook on me- I'll set off this grenade!" Olaf declared.

"Nah." Ferdinand retorted.

The man's left hook knocked the phosphorus grenade out of Olaf's hand.

"Well, you're a hot potato!" Moira addressed the grenade as she grabbed it.

A collective groan from everyone else ensued.

"That was the worst joke ever…of all time." Reilly announced.

"It's not my fault! This grenade is hot, and it does look like a potato." Moira replied.

"DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE!" Everyone shouted at Moira.

After that, Moira executed her brilliant Plan 9. While Olaf and Doctor White weren't looking, she snuck behind Olaf, opened his back pocket, pulled the pin on the grenade, and put it in the villain's pants.

"Let's finish this now, Olaf." Doctor White calmly announced.

The good doctor fired a shot into Olaf.

"HIT THE DECK!" Moira exclaimed.

Doctor White and everyone else did just that. A few minutes later, the live grenade exploded after Olaf exited the building.

"What was that?" Reilly asked.

"It's simple, really. Ferdinand was nice enough to knock that grenade out of Olaf's hand for me. So, I pulled the pin and put it in his pants." Moira explained.

"Highly unorthodox, but effective." Doctor White replied.

"I think that's the last we'll see of him." Violet piped up.

"I'm not so sure." Jade replied.

"Jade, no one could survive a live phosphorus grenade exploding in their pants." Reilly snapped back.

"Well, I did!" Jade retorted.

"That's because you took them off! And who got jailed for indecent exposure on that mission?" Reilly came back.

"Do those two ever stop?" Violet asked.

"Not really. Just go with it, Violet." Lorraine answered.

Moira hummed a few bars of "Turkey in the Straw". Oh, well. At least Violet's younger siblings were coming to pick her up in two weeks. And Reilly would probably be out around the same time.


End file.
